The Televisionary Oracle Newsletter


Perhaps even you have screwed up your courage, invented a fake job title that sounds much more highly-paid than your own, shaved 20 pounds and added four inches to your profile, and have exuberantly blathered into a stranger's voicemail that you adore snow camping, would never ever ever smoke, only drink at wedding toasts, and haven't inhaled anything except Ventolin since Lennon died. Yeah, that sounds like you.

Sounds like most of us.

Well, it's time to fess up the true stuff, the good stuff, the real stuff about who you are--in four lines or less. And Grand Master Rob is here to help you, as this month he unveils with a flourish his own particular brand of funky tantric pagan personal ads for the very sane.

Use 'em, steal 'em, plagiarize the heck out of 'em. We're inviting you to. And then, as with all of the fresh hot steaming copy we're serving up in this newsletter, write in and tell us what happened, what you wore, what s/he said--in short: give us the late-night roommate report.

We're waiting up.

--Greedy 4 Gossip
The nightie and curlers
gracing Real Astrology's godhead



The Televisionary Oracle - October 1998


Table of Contents

Images Are Dangerous
This month, Rob reprints more of his work in order to remind you to Love Like An Enemy all the while slyly admonishing that We Don't Write Poems.

Sex With Friends
Single/divorced/married bi-curious who WLTM a soulmate for moonlit walks, cuddling by the fire, LTR, line dancing, and an active, healthy lifestyle? No smoke, no drink, moderate drugs? Kids OK? Fergeddit. Steal these ads written by Rob-O The Magnificent, master of the personal pages.

Till You Drop
Shopping shrines are mysterious and wonderful, what eh? Let's talk shop as together we explore the magnificence of North American commerce. OK, all right--we'll drop all pretense: This is a cheap shill to get you to write in at outrageous length about your favorite retail outlet. Tell us where, why, and when you flash the cash and sward the card. Think of it as a service, your duty, and 'fess up if it's your own store.

The Oracle Speaks
Astrologer Antero Alli tells the truth about the language of the stars.

Chakra Con
Stephen Poplin forwards this bit of floating e-mail that washed ashore his box, giddily detailing the exhaustive machinations contained in the day of a spiritual seeker.

Menstrual Rants
Our most popular section just keeps getting better. This month, we get happy about GladRags. Bitch 'n' moan to your heart's content. We'll love you anyway.

Mighty Aphrodite
Thomas Moore's Soul of Sex unweaves the myth of eros.

Department Heds

  • Saint of the Month: The wonderful horrible life of Tina Modotti.
  • Broken Hearts Club: What busts, breaks, rips apart, and mends again? Shhhh. Listen: thumpity, thumpity, thump. Hear it? Speak it.
  • Dream of the Month: How do you sleep at night?
  • Mercury's Mess: Feeling witchy about Samhain; plus, what to eat when the veil between two worlds is at its thinnest--and you, perhaps, are not.
  • Scream Scene: Wanna feel Jung again? Call up Rob Brezsny and scream like hell into the phone. See. Doesn't that feel better?

    Hey! What happened while your back was turned? Find out by checking the Televisionary Oracle archives for past pronouncements of beauty and truth.



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